A Note to My Future Self (Personal Essay)
Maybe I'm just nostalgic, but I love reading epistolary works. I wrote this letter to show myself more kindness and compassion.
Dear Future Self,
You are here in this lifetime to make messes and figure out how to clean them up. You are here to grow into the person you were always meant to be. It’s only natural to see your former self as a stranger in certain lighting. You will have ugly moments, you will fail sometimes, and you will have mastered the art of breaking your own heart. But don't lose hope.
Let go of all the hurt. The pain you caused others while you were in pain, as well as the pain others caused you, even if they never apologized. Let those ghosts go because they belong in your history, not in your future. Not all people are bad, but some people are bad for each other. What matters is that you know better now, so you do better now.
Savor the seconds you have with yourself because they are gone faster than you can blink. You will miss this person someday. Most of all, you will have learned to trust yourself and those who love you. You will know who truly sees you and who doesn’t.
Spend time with the ones who ask you to text them to say you got home okay, spend time with the ones who remember to call you on your birthday and spend time with the ones who make you feel more alive. Show them you are eternally grateful, even if it feels awkward to be boldly thankful.
You will no longer question whether or not you are worthy of love; you know that you are now. You go on loving yourself so much that it makes you uncomfortable and it makes others uncomfortable. You will look in the mirror and tell yourself that you won’t ever let her down again, but you will sometimes. And that’s okay. Accept that you are not what others think of you or what others feel about you. Not everyone needs to understand your journey, just you. And, my dear weirdo, that is and always will be enough.
Your Nevermore Darling,
Melissa Gill